You must be familiar with these; some have been circulating on the e-mail and others stare at you in the face everyday in the form of your boss. Unless you are really lucky.

So is your boss something like this? Does his/her very mention have you turning apopletic, mouthing the choicest expletives and wishing he/she were dead? Or does the boss word suffuse you with a warm glow of happiness and contentment?

Exploring why the nasty bosses behave the way they do can only depress you further, but hold on, there's some learning to be had, the least of which is that when you become boss, you should never copy what he/she did.

"I hate my work, I hate the fact that I can't chuck it all up and freelance," says Jalaja Varma, who works in a publishing concern. "But I do keep one thing in mind: If I ever become senior enough to have subordinates, however frustrated I am, I will never take it out on them."

"Easier said than done," says S. Mrinalini, who finally quit a well-paying job, but happily enough, for a better one. She quotes a theory she learnt in a mass communications class that the oppressed ultimately turns into the oppressor. "Naturally, no one will want to turn into the boss from hell, especially when you've been through all that. We have to try hard not to repeat other people's mistakes," she says, with a wicked glint in her eye.

At 23 and after less than a year of the mean boss, Mrinalini seems to be rubbing her hands in eager anticipation for the time she will actually lord it over someone else.

Try telling her it's the saas-bahu syndrome where the mother-in-law takes it out on the daughter-in-law for earlier years of similar suffering, and she doesn't make any bones about it. "Yes, it is that. Since I can't give it back to my boss, I'll give it to someone else some other day," she says, in a very matter-of-fact tone.

Of course, it's the power thing, but bosses, like politicians, will not admit their authority gives them a heady feeling of superiority. Any explanation for their behaviour, if at all, is met with statements like, "I only want to guide you," or "I'm old enough to be your father, please listen to me, for your own sake," or "You're overreacting" ... and so on and so forth.

But why is it that so many underlings stick on to their jobs if the environment is so bad? Money and economic independence are very important reasons, but many also don't see why they should allow themselves to be hounded and be miserable because of one single person.

"Why should I let one *%$#@!{circ} get in my way? Exercise so much pressure on me that I turn tail? Alright, it affects my happiness, but it would affect my self-esteem to know I didn't stand up to it," says Keshav Ram, a teacher, fiercely.

So most people keep going, till they get another break, or, miraculously, till the boss leaves, or suffer in silence, or crib behind his/her back. "It's really a question of priorities," says engineer Leela Rao. "Be realistic: you need the money, you need the stimulation that work offers you, you need to feel independent. And bosses are occupational hazards. I stopped expecting anything from my boss long ago. Who wants appreciation? I just want to be left alone," she says.

But unbelievable though this may sound to some of your poor souls who are cursed with insensitive or bossy bosses, you need to know there are bosses who are nice most of the time, and even appreciate what you do. And any reprimand comes gently. So you don't feel persecuted when they tell you something's wrong.

Bosses, who teach you the tools of the trade and tell you why a particular task needs to be done this way and not that. They don't snap at you, "Because I say so!"

Shubha Sundar, who's worked in various newspapers for around 10 years, talks about her bosses only in glowing terms. "They were fantastic, encouraging, considerate, had confidence in us, let us be, but also knew what they wanted from us, and saw that we delivered," she says.

Supriya Raj, who quit a good job in management to set up a catering business with her mother, says she hit it off with her previous boss and does so with her present boss (her mother) too. However, it was the independent streak in her that made her go in for a venture of her own.

So how's it to work with her mom? "There is a lot of mutual trust. But my mom and I fight a lot about how things should be," she says.

Considering she's a boss now, how does she treat her employees? "I give them a lot of freedom. My old company did that, and that's what I've learnt from them."

"Oh, all my bosses weren't bad. And even the one who finally inspired me to quit, had his good moments," Mrinalini concedes grudgingly. "All my bosses, including the bad guy, were pretty solicitous — my job entailed meeting men, often at odd times, and they always asked me if they'd behaved themselves and whether I was comfortable with the job," she says.

This article can go on and on. But will bosses change? Will we change? I'll leave you to ponder that.

(Naturally, most names have been changed.)

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