The Hindu Business Line : A quick detour

`A few of our leaders also would like to follow your (Mr George Bush) example in the pre-emptive strike theory... Our leaders live on another planet. If they are not absorbed in self-aggrandisement, they are paranoid in reviving some forgotten glory. The present day problems faced by us all seem to elude them.'

Dear Mr Bush

I must say you polished off Iraq quicker than I, or anyone else, expected. In fact, it happened so fast that our politicians, who are normally quick in the mouth, did not have the time or the wit to condemn the invasion. It was over before they could make up their minds.

I am being extremely generous by suggesting they actually have minds and possess the process of normal human thoughts. The problem is they change these "minds" almost daily, confusing themselves and all of us. One day privatisation is in, the next day it is out. But the following day it is back in. This brings me to the reason I am writing to you. I gather from the media reports you are planning to polish off Syria next.

In the meantime, you will be re-building Iraq into a wonderful, functioning democracy. A true oasis in that part of Asia.

You will be placing good and just men to run the country and, of course, pour in that entire wonderful American infrastructure to make it the envy of the world. I wondered whether you could squeeze in a short detour to my country. A few of our leaders need to be straightened out here.

As you will not have to shift your military might here, this will be cheap incursion. We do not have any Saddam Husseins to attract your attention, although some of our leaders behave as if they have the potential to become one.

Just the other day, one of our leaders threw a birthday bash that probably cost us taxpayers the equivalent of one day of the Iraq war.

The State declared a public holiday and thousands of people feted the leader. Now this struck me that this was something that old Saddam would have done too. Admittedly, he built gigantic statues of himself. I am certain, given time, our leaders too would build gigantic statues and deck the city and the State with gigantic portraits of themselves. We do have examples of this megalomania already in some of our States. I should add that this particular State is pretty poor and not exactly rolling in money.

Then we have another Saddam-like running around waving a trident, announcing the rise of his religion. Tridents are not exactly WMD although this person would like to transform it into one somehow.

It is a mythological weapon and whether it existed or not, I am not certain. I doubt it had the potency even then of a WMD. However, many of our leaders believe that they will win power by brandishing this dangerous weapon in our faces. One leader won his State election by doing just that. Then he found it did not have the same affect in another State and he went home in a huff.

This is a nation of a billion people and I doubt the other 950 million will buy this WMD. And then our leaders are very absorbed in a long running dispute over an archaeological site. A few of our leaders also would like to follow your example in the pre-emptive strike theory. This would be against an immediate neighbour. They appear to forget that the United States has two huge oceans on either side, which makes it difficult for a hostile neighbouring country to strike back.

I am not meaning Canada or Mexico. As you can see from these brief examples, our leaders live on another planet. If they are not absorbed in self-aggrandisement, they are paranoid in reviving some forgotten glory.

The present day problems faced by us all seem to elude them. Millions of us are more concerned about food, water, education, jobs, housing and other such mundane matters. As you are planning a change of leadership in Iraq, along with introducing food, water, education, jobs, housing and democracy, we would like you export this model across to our country.

Would you, by chance, have any good leaders to spare? We would like any man or woman with vision, courage, compassion and an honest desire to serve this country. Power should not be the criterion for this job.

Nor should huge motorcades, birthday bashes, gigantic cutouts and private jets. We would appreciate a strong, silent type of leader as our present bunch of leaders gives us a massive headache. They manage to talk non-stop; most of this is unintelligible to us as it deals with tridents, temples and each other. This leader would need to overhaul our bureaucracy. I have no doubt it is as corrupt as Saddam's so he or she will have the experience of dealing with such problems. Naturally, once you have sorted out our leadership problems and put in place a new leader who is young enough to stand up straight, America will immediately withdraw.

With regards...

(Contact the writer at: tnmurari@hotmail.com)

Timeri N. Murari

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