Financial Daily from THE HINDU group of publications
Sunday, Jul 14, 2002
Financial Daily from THE HINDU group of publications Sunday, Jul 14, 2002 |
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Variety
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Trends Columns - Say Cheek Good times, bad times D. Murali
THESE days, the view of world from inside the accountant's office is far from comforting. Whenever power fails, we get jittery whether one of our enemies has cut off the mains. When the pizza boy delivers what we have ordered for lunch — because we are afraid of going to the nearby restaurant — we wait for him to go out and pinch a bit to feed our office kutta, not so much out of animal love but to check if the eat is laced with arsenic. All letters are likewise screened for bombs, e-mails opened with caution, phones answered with extreme care. The new policy is to have all totals exceeding three digits checked by three people using three different modes, viz. manual, abacus and calculator. Any letter drafted is vetted for inconsistencies and contradictions by four layers of partners and senior staff before being cleared for printing on the laser, after which again two layers of senior management pore over it. No giggling or laughing is allowed in the office, for we don't want to be seen through the glass windows as making merry even as investors weep. The office suggestion box is full of ideas as to how we can win back the confidence of our clients. One says, we dress in crumpled clothes picked off in bargain sale, to show that we don't make enough money to buy `Crocodiles' and `Peter Englands'. Another suggests, we let beards grow, to express solidarity with the suffering. Yet another is already performing special puja at the local temple. We are cutting down on sleep, using public transport to commute; switch off the AC, and withdraw from clubs. We are no longer the frontbenchers in conferences and seminars, nor do we ask bombastic questions even before the speakers begin. We write in longhand, and don't lug the laptops. It is long since we switched off the mobiles. We no longer ask clients to wait in the lounge but instead wait on them to clarify doubts that are yet to arise. At the confessionals, we spend extra time till the priest falls dozing off. We have prepared our wills just in case. All our foreign jaunts have been cancelled and we are painting our name-boards in 14 regional languages. We offer our `other' services free to our customers, not so much as a sweetener, but to erase the stigma that we make too much money on the side. We puff our chests to show that we are fiercely independent, even if that makes our gait like that of the Wagha outpost jawans. And we have stopped taking food at clients' canteens. Not because it could be seen as a conflict of interest or any such thing, but because we can't take our kutta there.
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