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D. Murali

WHILE Bush and Osama carry on the Tom-and-Jerry routine and the world surfs channels to see missiles leap `live', most of my clients are banging their heads against desktops. ``Are we abetting the terrorists?'' they ask and expect an answer from their co nfidante and auditor, that is, yours truly.

I can understand their fear, rather, the terror that is gripping them. In the present surcharged atmosphere, even without a WTC surcharge from Mr Sinha, nobody wants to be seen as doing anything that can help the cause of the bearded bin.

``Will stars and stripes help?'' a fashion-wear client queries. ``I can put it on the underside where I place the spare button.''

``It could cost you 51 paise,'' I calculate and respond, ``but how are you going to be sure that your trousers do not end up in Kabul for an undercover job?''

``Is it all right if I pull out of cyberspace?'' wonders a webby client. ``Our homepage gives links all the way to the White House and suppose a hit comes from an Afghan PC?''

``You can go into hiding,'' I suggest wryly, ``but can't you program your computer to show frightening stuff only for such hits?''

``I have been sneezing non-stop for the last two days,'' the next caller ach-oos in. ``Can it be the effect of some biological weapon unleashed somewhere around?''

``Possibly, yes,'' I speak through a kerchief. ``Hold the next blast till after I hang up.''

``I have instructed my accounting package developers,'' another client declares, ``to include with every receipt voucher a three-generation chart of how the money came.''

``You can ask for one thing more, as a post-transaction analysis,'' I goad him. ``A map of where your payments travel, five levels down.''

``Are you not abetting the bad guys,'' an unidentified caller queries, ``by giving them so much importance in the media?''

``Uh,'' I gasp, ``you need some accounting advice?''

``I know, auditor saheb, that you give assurances,'' he responds skeptically, ``but I would still load my pistol.''

``AS 47 is about accounting for arms,'' I squeal.

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